FOR PARENTS WITH A MENTAL DISORDER
Mental illness, like any illness, disrupts the family balance. But more than a physical illness, it can strain family relationships. Because, while remaining connected, family members may feel, depending on the severity of the disorder, that they are not sharing the same world. This experience is disorienting for everyone.
This is not about imposing a model but about encouraging you to address the particular educational challenges that arise when raising a child (or children) with a mental health difficulty or when sharing education with a parent who has a mental health difficulty.
Here are two guidelines to help you
to situate in relation to this subject:
My children have experienced illness since birth.
The illness arose during their development and disrupted the family's life.
I have accepted this health issue and I am receiving medical follow-up.
I haven't yet accepted this health problem and I'm not receiving medical follow-up.
Obstacles to asking for help
Many parents raise their child(ren) while experiencing mental health difficulties. Based on international data, it can be estimated that in our countries, one-third of people receiving psychiatric care are parents of minor children. Yet, even though this situation is not uncommon, "there is a discriminatory experience of parenthood, particularly in child custody decisions, where the emphasis is placed on diagnosis rather than parenting skills," says Marc Boily.
"Asking for help in fulfilling one's parental role should not be seen as a sign of weakness but as proof of responsibility."
EDUCATIONAL CHALLENGES
Without oversimplifying or dramatizing, it's important to identify the specific educational challenges that parents of children with mental health conditions may encounter. These challenges will not manifest themselves in the same way for everyone. They depend, in particular, on the stage of the illness but also on the child's developmental stage. They also depend on your answers to the two questions we posed earlier.
"Helping parents to free themselves from the secrets and lies that imprison them, to dare to name their suffering, to hold their heads high and avoid shame"
Celine Lamy
This presentation aims to help you become aware of aspects that may be challenging for you right now, as well as those you feel more comfortable with. The members of Etincelles & C° create supportive spaces where you can safely address the challenges you face.
WORDS FROM PARENTS
CELINE LAMY'S 12 EVIDENCES
Céline Lamy is a child psychiatrist; she has experienced psychological suffering and severe depression.
Through her book, she hopes to "help parents free themselves from the secrets and lies that imprison them, to dare to name their suffering, to hold their heads high and avoid shame (...). If I had to do it all over again, if I could go back, I would sit on the living room rug with our children and my partner, in a circle, and I would explain everything to them gently, calmly. I would give a name to this unknown that was disrupting the house. I would name it, I would make it truly exist, in a way that was not hidden and shameful."
Your child always knows when something is wrong.
Since your child knows that something is wrong, and since you are leaving him out of this "thing," he will draw his own conclusions.
Silence is synonymous with isolation, being left out, loneliness (yours and that of your loved ones) and not with protection.
Breaking free from lies and deceit, daring to be authentic will make you a reliable reference.
Naming the disease, the enemy, allows us to decide on team and family strategies to fight it!
It is essential to avoid simplistic explanations in an emergency or crisis situation.
You are and always will be their parent. The ideal parent, the ideal child, doesn't exist! You are the same person you were before your child knew you had a mental illness.
Suicidal thoughts can be a symptom of the illness. This is how we can discuss them with older children.
Expressing an emotion simply makes you human and sets an example for your child.
Anticipating allows you to speak with complete peace of mind. But choosing the right moment is important.
There is no model, no ideal scheme, no better way of saying it than another, but one thing is certain: it must come from you, parents, and not from an unknown third party.
"The truth... with kind words"
Lamy, C. (2018). It's raining at home. Éditions de Mortagne. (Excerpts)